Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
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Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
I am in my first year of a two-year contract at a decent school in WE. I got this job after leaving another school after only one year in the same city (which was not a great school - but I wasn't breaking contract), so this is my second year of international teaching (fourth year of teaching in total). The problem is that my partner joined me here six months ago, and is not having any luck finding a job. He is an EU citizen, speaks the local language pretty well (though not fluently), but nothing so far.
We are starting to wonder if we should move to his home country, where he would have much better chances of finding a job in his field. But that would mean leaving my contract after only one year... and not necessarily finding a similar position again.
I feel torn. On the one hand, part of me is feeling that this pace of professional life is just too fast, especially when we want to start a family soon. So, the idea of my career taking a back seat and just finding any kind of work (supplying, etc.) at whatever private, English-speaking school is in the city we end up moving to, feels acceptable sometimes. But on the other hand, after my experience at a subpar school last year, where I lost all passion for teaching, is making me cautious about taking that route. Also, it makes me worried for a few years down the route, if I want to focus on my career again, and my CV shows only 1 year at two consecutive schools. I know that looks bad!
Some of you might say, just stick it out for the second year of the contract. But it will definitely be stressful for our relationship if he has to stay another year in this city without finding meaningful work, or if we have to do long-distance for a year.
All advice on how to handle this delicate balance of both teacher and non-teaching spouse finding work abroad is appreciated : ) Also, any advice on family planning and the pros/cons of taking a step back from highly demanding work when starting a family (I cannot imagine doing what I'm doing while also having a young child!)
Oh, and an extra complication: the country we are currently living in has one of the best for having a child (in terms of government policies regarding leave and financial support), and my partner's country is not nearly as good in this respect (14 months of leave versus 16 weeks, for example). But perhaps in the teaching profession, this doesn't matter as much (as I imagine most international schools would offer a year of maternity leave, no?)
We are starting to wonder if we should move to his home country, where he would have much better chances of finding a job in his field. But that would mean leaving my contract after only one year... and not necessarily finding a similar position again.
I feel torn. On the one hand, part of me is feeling that this pace of professional life is just too fast, especially when we want to start a family soon. So, the idea of my career taking a back seat and just finding any kind of work (supplying, etc.) at whatever private, English-speaking school is in the city we end up moving to, feels acceptable sometimes. But on the other hand, after my experience at a subpar school last year, where I lost all passion for teaching, is making me cautious about taking that route. Also, it makes me worried for a few years down the route, if I want to focus on my career again, and my CV shows only 1 year at two consecutive schools. I know that looks bad!
Some of you might say, just stick it out for the second year of the contract. But it will definitely be stressful for our relationship if he has to stay another year in this city without finding meaningful work, or if we have to do long-distance for a year.
All advice on how to handle this delicate balance of both teacher and non-teaching spouse finding work abroad is appreciated : ) Also, any advice on family planning and the pros/cons of taking a step back from highly demanding work when starting a family (I cannot imagine doing what I'm doing while also having a young child!)
Oh, and an extra complication: the country we are currently living in has one of the best for having a child (in terms of government policies regarding leave and financial support), and my partner's country is not nearly as good in this respect (14 months of leave versus 16 weeks, for example). But perhaps in the teaching profession, this doesn't matter as much (as I imagine most international schools would offer a year of maternity leave, no?)
Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
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Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
There is obviously a lot of factor in play here. For good or bad, most of it will come down to the priorities that you/your partner agree on. I would pause for a moment to consider the long term/big picture as that may point the way for the short term.
You say that your partner cannot find work in the country you are at and would most likely need to return to his home country to find meaningful work. If this is true now, is this likely to be the case for the foreseeable future? If not, what is going to change? If this is the case for the foreseeable future then your future with your partner lies in that country. If this is true then you may as well start trying to find a rewarding/challenging position there in your field at a good school sooner rather than later.
Other considerations. A few one year contracts is not a career killer but it's not helping you either in the long run. I would not focus on/worry about that aspect too much right now. Only you can decide if it is worth the strain on your relationship to stay where you are one more year.
Maternity leave will vary from school to school but my experience/knowledge (not first hand) is that while schools may give you a year off it is not likely to be paid leave (unless the country requires it per their labor laws). Happy to be corrected on that if someone has more personal experience. Are you ready to start a family NOW? Even if you are, how is that going to work in your current country/situation if you are on leave (is it fully paid leave?) and your husband is not working? If you can afford it financially and there are two of you home for the baby, great. If not, then it doesn't sound like the ideal time/place.
These are just my two cents worth of thoughts. As I said, much of this is very personal and involves issues that can only be prioritized by you and your partner. Maybe others will have more specific/helpful input. Good luck!
You say that your partner cannot find work in the country you are at and would most likely need to return to his home country to find meaningful work. If this is true now, is this likely to be the case for the foreseeable future? If not, what is going to change? If this is the case for the foreseeable future then your future with your partner lies in that country. If this is true then you may as well start trying to find a rewarding/challenging position there in your field at a good school sooner rather than later.
Other considerations. A few one year contracts is not a career killer but it's not helping you either in the long run. I would not focus on/worry about that aspect too much right now. Only you can decide if it is worth the strain on your relationship to stay where you are one more year.
Maternity leave will vary from school to school but my experience/knowledge (not first hand) is that while schools may give you a year off it is not likely to be paid leave (unless the country requires it per their labor laws). Happy to be corrected on that if someone has more personal experience. Are you ready to start a family NOW? Even if you are, how is that going to work in your current country/situation if you are on leave (is it fully paid leave?) and your husband is not working? If you can afford it financially and there are two of you home for the baby, great. If not, then it doesn't sound like the ideal time/place.
These are just my two cents worth of thoughts. As I said, much of this is very personal and involves issues that can only be prioritized by you and your partner. Maybe others will have more specific/helpful input. Good luck!
Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
Good points above.
In addition... Your career is barely started and as you pointed out, your cv doesn’t yet show any sustained or exciting experience. You are apparently in a place where you could add to your cv, and it would be a good idea, career wise, to do so. If you take time now to start a family, you will effectively have to restart your career from scratch whenever you eventually return. Which might be fine with you. After all, starting a family is important. If you delay a few years, you’ll have a more established career and it will be easier to get back in after the baby. Whichever you do, I make sure you consider the different angles, including that delay could reduce your chances of falling pregnant. So, no perfect answer, but it’s easier if you know your priorities.
As for maternity leave, the only schools I know that offer a year, only do so because it’s the law. Many offer as little as 4 or 6 weeks. Some manage, inexplicably, to offer less than local law requires. (I’m looking at you, Kuwait.) Some won’t give any maternity leave or maternity medical insurance until your second year of employment. So look carefully and don’t take anything for granted.
In addition... Your career is barely started and as you pointed out, your cv doesn’t yet show any sustained or exciting experience. You are apparently in a place where you could add to your cv, and it would be a good idea, career wise, to do so. If you take time now to start a family, you will effectively have to restart your career from scratch whenever you eventually return. Which might be fine with you. After all, starting a family is important. If you delay a few years, you’ll have a more established career and it will be easier to get back in after the baby. Whichever you do, I make sure you consider the different angles, including that delay could reduce your chances of falling pregnant. So, no perfect answer, but it’s easier if you know your priorities.
As for maternity leave, the only schools I know that offer a year, only do so because it’s the law. Many offer as little as 4 or 6 weeks. Some manage, inexplicably, to offer less than local law requires. (I’m looking at you, Kuwait.) Some won’t give any maternity leave or maternity medical insurance until your second year of employment. So look carefully and don’t take anything for granted.
Response
My problem with your post is youre not comparing it to anything tangible. You have an actual appointment and you are comparing it too two potential opportunities (your spouse getting a job, and you getting an appointment), there really is no indication that you will realize those outcomes. Your spouse i can understand is having problems, but there isnt any indication that those problems would be alleviated by moving. You further put yourself in the position by leaving of having to make some hard explanations that may have negative consequences for you (after a 2-3 year absence). Sure you have reasons, but from a recruiters POV, the issues may exacerbate and they have to replace you in a year as well. Not the position you want to be talking yourself out of, the option would be then to ghost the current experience which is better done sooner rather than later.
You can do anything for about a year, but if you start a family, your looking at a few years at least out of the classroom and with minimal experience, I would concur with @Sid that your essentially starting over, as ESOL and sub/relief/supply isnt wort anything in IE. All a recruiter is going to see is an IT with little experience who hasnt been in a classroom for 3 or so years. In addition your going to have very restricted options if you must stay in your spouses region for their job, youre essentially no longer an IT youre a DT with a foreign credential.
Yes it would be stressful, but again its not like your spouse has an offer for a position back in their home country. Id suggest they start looking and identify some meaningful options first otherwise its comparing what you have in one hand too wishes in the other. If your spouse gets an offer you can then weight the benefits and costs against what you have now. There are so many factors, what if the positions they find wont pay enough for you to raise a family on one salary, etc.
I would fully concur with @Sid the majority of ISs offer is what is legally required for maternity/paternity leave, because they have to. Even then their are ISs that get away with offering less. Aside from that, a year for maternity is basically you resigning your post and hopeing they would welcome you back. The idea of a IE having a general policy of providing voluntarily a year off is not reality. Many will offer a month or so on average.
If your current region offers 14 months of paid leave, get pregnant now and take it. If its unpaid leave you can think of it as a wild card in your pocket you can use later.
You can do anything for about a year, but if you start a family, your looking at a few years at least out of the classroom and with minimal experience, I would concur with @Sid that your essentially starting over, as ESOL and sub/relief/supply isnt wort anything in IE. All a recruiter is going to see is an IT with little experience who hasnt been in a classroom for 3 or so years. In addition your going to have very restricted options if you must stay in your spouses region for their job, youre essentially no longer an IT youre a DT with a foreign credential.
Yes it would be stressful, but again its not like your spouse has an offer for a position back in their home country. Id suggest they start looking and identify some meaningful options first otherwise its comparing what you have in one hand too wishes in the other. If your spouse gets an offer you can then weight the benefits and costs against what you have now. There are so many factors, what if the positions they find wont pay enough for you to raise a family on one salary, etc.
I would fully concur with @Sid the majority of ISs offer is what is legally required for maternity/paternity leave, because they have to. Even then their are ISs that get away with offering less. Aside from that, a year for maternity is basically you resigning your post and hopeing they would welcome you back. The idea of a IE having a general policy of providing voluntarily a year off is not reality. Many will offer a month or so on average.
If your current region offers 14 months of paid leave, get pregnant now and take it. If its unpaid leave you can think of it as a wild card in your pocket you can use later.
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Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
Regarding maternity leave, I've had two children in two different countries/continents. First country allowed 3 months paid maternity leave, which could not be reduced by holidays - luckily for me, I had my baby in June so got the full summer holiday added to my maternity leave. I was offered the choice of taking that as is, or going part-time for an extended period, which I did. Second school, 2 months paid maternity leave and up to 1 month unpaid. I took it all. Am now back working full time, with a 4 year old and a 9 month old. It's hard. I'm permanently tired. But for us there's no other option right now.
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Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
This can be tough. I have a trailing spouse and I have been passed over for jobs because of this. We finally decided last year for my wife to get a teaching certification so we can be a teaching couple. It is more marketable that way.
Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
Applebutter makes the most understated but honest comment in the thread about being passed over for jobs because of a trailing spouse. I left international education because of this - and it didn't hurt to get $100,000 post tax per year for the pleasure of being rid of IE once and for all (I would only return if appointed as a head). It was particularly galling to have so few bites when singles with one tenth of my experience were getting chic assignments in major capitals around the world. To the original poster, just get pregnant already and hopefully over the months following your baby's birth your man can get a job in his home country.
Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
PsyGuy wrote:
> @marina
>
> Its exponentially worse for those with a trailing spouse and kids. Trailing spouses
> are drama, and kids are empty costs.
Of course it is much hard for a teacher with trailing spouse + children to get hired than any other class of teacher. But I would not refer to them as empty costs if they are associated with a superior educator compared to the single teachers a school is considering. Sometimes the single educator is better, but sometimes the one with dependents is, but too often the one with dependents is treated like African Americans or Jews were 100 years ago - they are blatantly discriminated against by international schools. Which, again, takes out of the equation a whole class of people who are likely not teaching at "top quality" international schools, which makes me question if they are really top quality at all if the single 30-year-old almost always gets hired over the eminently qualified 40-year-old with a trailing souse and a kid, two, or dare I say, three! I know at least in the US, top quality private schools will often give teachers who teach there the ability to school their children in the same school for a deep discount or free, but I don't see a willingness on the part of most international schools to do the same unless they are of "low quality" and trying simultaneously to fill student seats. I think it's because international schools think they are generally above any national laws and instead adhere to their own special international code of conduct that the heads of these schools think they can get away with blatant discrimination. It's really a disgrace. And highly ironic considering the whole "diversity is our strength" dogma at EVERY international school these days. If diversity is a strength, why not diversity of teacher backgrounds? Put your money where your lying mouths are heads!
> @marina
>
> Its exponentially worse for those with a trailing spouse and kids. Trailing spouses
> are drama, and kids are empty costs.
Of course it is much hard for a teacher with trailing spouse + children to get hired than any other class of teacher. But I would not refer to them as empty costs if they are associated with a superior educator compared to the single teachers a school is considering. Sometimes the single educator is better, but sometimes the one with dependents is, but too often the one with dependents is treated like African Americans or Jews were 100 years ago - they are blatantly discriminated against by international schools. Which, again, takes out of the equation a whole class of people who are likely not teaching at "top quality" international schools, which makes me question if they are really top quality at all if the single 30-year-old almost always gets hired over the eminently qualified 40-year-old with a trailing souse and a kid, two, or dare I say, three! I know at least in the US, top quality private schools will often give teachers who teach there the ability to school their children in the same school for a deep discount or free, but I don't see a willingness on the part of most international schools to do the same unless they are of "low quality" and trying simultaneously to fill student seats. I think it's because international schools think they are generally above any national laws and instead adhere to their own special international code of conduct that the heads of these schools think they can get away with blatant discrimination. It's really a disgrace. And highly ironic considering the whole "diversity is our strength" dogma at EVERY international school these days. If diversity is a strength, why not diversity of teacher backgrounds? Put your money where your lying mouths are heads!
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Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
Just a point of clarification. I can't speak for individuals who are Jewish, but as an African-American I can say that the discrimination that we face isn't an artifact of 100 years ago, literally lol. It is very much alive and well today if one is aware of current events. Even as international educators the discrimination is rampant for many peoples of color.
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@marina
No it isnt. Looking at costs and values the average global salary is USD$30K, the typical value of a tuition waiver/place is USD$10K/child. Two children plus travel, housing and insurance costs and this more than doubles the cost of an IT, such that you can hire another IT and staff another classroom with the cost an IS spends on a 4:1 traveler ratio.
First, you dont really define "superior" IT, unless you can objectivity and demonstrably show an IT that doubles the outcomes of one IT, which i dont see how you can do. Most ITs arent great or awesome they are okay and okay is often good enough. Its an excellent example of the Pietro rule (80/20 model). Okay ITs get you to about 75%-80% of the outcome. Most of the work results are student not IT factors. You cant get 150% out of an IT (double the okay performance), you end up paying exponentially greater coin for marginal even trivial increases, and most often no significant increase at all in performance chasing the tails.
Second, you have performance but also numbers of students. No matter how great an IT is, you can only put so many students in front of that IT before performance falls significantly. You cant put twice as many students to justify double the cost, and maintain the same performance standards. Leadership still has to staff X classrooms and has less resources to do than if they had a single or teaching couple IT.
Third, there isnt any difference in quality and performance between those two age groups (30 and 40) assuming both ITs started teaching in their early 20s. Research shows the significant differences in practice occur at 1,2,4, and 8 years. Beyond that an extra 10 years between ITs has no significant increase in performance. An IT with 18 years experience isnt significantly better than one with 8 years experience.
Fourth, ISs are somewhat different than private/independent DS in the US especially those private DSs that have sponsorship from a religion or other organization. ISs generally do not half a significant portion of their endowment from outside sources, they have to generate revenue directly to make budget, so each one of those places/waivers at an IS with wait-list is REAL revenue thats lost. Those lower tier IS dont care as much about waivers/places because they have empty seats, tat are otherwise non-revenue generating.
Fifth, What "national" laws are you referring to? There are a lot of regions (outside the west) that have little if any rules about discrimination. Even the ones that do, what you describe as "blatant", isnt blatant by the appropriate legal definition. Even then marital status and family size is a far less common protected class. Its much more acceptable to discriminate when the discrimination has measurable and real costs associated with it. Familys cost more, thats pretty easy to prove. You would even run into issues of reverse discrimination where single ITs could make the case that the family IT is being compensated greater for the same work.
Sixth, that "diversity" blather is just marketing. Its a socially desirable and acceptable thing to claim. The reality though is that whatever leadership thinks or believes or wants, ownership decides what happens and parents influence ownership much more than leadership does. Parents see "western" education exclusively as a certain image.
Seventh, subterfuge is a highly desirable trait in leadership.
Eighth, Different doesnt mean inferior. Thats really what you are arguing that IE has some obligation to mentor and prepare younger and less experienced ITs. Thats not how ownership and parents see it. They are paying good coin for the best that coin can get them. They arent interested in an inferior IT making their bones with the education of their children.
This is straight CBA, and most of the time the benefits just dont justify the costs
No it isnt. Looking at costs and values the average global salary is USD$30K, the typical value of a tuition waiver/place is USD$10K/child. Two children plus travel, housing and insurance costs and this more than doubles the cost of an IT, such that you can hire another IT and staff another classroom with the cost an IS spends on a 4:1 traveler ratio.
First, you dont really define "superior" IT, unless you can objectivity and demonstrably show an IT that doubles the outcomes of one IT, which i dont see how you can do. Most ITs arent great or awesome they are okay and okay is often good enough. Its an excellent example of the Pietro rule (80/20 model). Okay ITs get you to about 75%-80% of the outcome. Most of the work results are student not IT factors. You cant get 150% out of an IT (double the okay performance), you end up paying exponentially greater coin for marginal even trivial increases, and most often no significant increase at all in performance chasing the tails.
Second, you have performance but also numbers of students. No matter how great an IT is, you can only put so many students in front of that IT before performance falls significantly. You cant put twice as many students to justify double the cost, and maintain the same performance standards. Leadership still has to staff X classrooms and has less resources to do than if they had a single or teaching couple IT.
Third, there isnt any difference in quality and performance between those two age groups (30 and 40) assuming both ITs started teaching in their early 20s. Research shows the significant differences in practice occur at 1,2,4, and 8 years. Beyond that an extra 10 years between ITs has no significant increase in performance. An IT with 18 years experience isnt significantly better than one with 8 years experience.
Fourth, ISs are somewhat different than private/independent DS in the US especially those private DSs that have sponsorship from a religion or other organization. ISs generally do not half a significant portion of their endowment from outside sources, they have to generate revenue directly to make budget, so each one of those places/waivers at an IS with wait-list is REAL revenue thats lost. Those lower tier IS dont care as much about waivers/places because they have empty seats, tat are otherwise non-revenue generating.
Fifth, What "national" laws are you referring to? There are a lot of regions (outside the west) that have little if any rules about discrimination. Even the ones that do, what you describe as "blatant", isnt blatant by the appropriate legal definition. Even then marital status and family size is a far less common protected class. Its much more acceptable to discriminate when the discrimination has measurable and real costs associated with it. Familys cost more, thats pretty easy to prove. You would even run into issues of reverse discrimination where single ITs could make the case that the family IT is being compensated greater for the same work.
Sixth, that "diversity" blather is just marketing. Its a socially desirable and acceptable thing to claim. The reality though is that whatever leadership thinks or believes or wants, ownership decides what happens and parents influence ownership much more than leadership does. Parents see "western" education exclusively as a certain image.
Seventh, subterfuge is a highly desirable trait in leadership.
Eighth, Different doesnt mean inferior. Thats really what you are arguing that IE has some obligation to mentor and prepare younger and less experienced ITs. Thats not how ownership and parents see it. They are paying good coin for the best that coin can get them. They arent interested in an inferior IT making their bones with the education of their children.
This is straight CBA, and most of the time the benefits just dont justify the costs
Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
I would dispute PsyGuy on one major point: I was at the London fair last year and I met a lovely fellow teacher whose significant other was going to be a trailing spouse. They also had two kids. Long story short, this teacher got three offers (two at the fair, and one a few days later). So schools do sometimes pick quality over cost, as the family now has their two kids enrolled in the third school for little to no cost. The trailing spouse was location independent because of the spouse's business set up, so that may have helped too.
Reply
@shawanda
There are always exceptions and absolutes are extremely rare in IE. Someone also wins the lottery, I dont advise buying lottery tickets as a sound financial strategy. Your narrative doesnt discuss any special niche this It may serve which could be anything from a unique skill set, professional distinction or a relationship in their social/professional network.
There are always exceptions and absolutes are extremely rare in IE. Someone also wins the lottery, I dont advise buying lottery tickets as a sound financial strategy. Your narrative doesnt discuss any special niche this It may serve which could be anything from a unique skill set, professional distinction or a relationship in their social/professional network.
Re: Trailing Spouse Work Problems / Family Planning
I think it would be interesting if all of these "elite" schools had to put in their admissions literature something like this:
"Our school hires the best single teachers with no children from around the world who had enough emotional baggage to want to escape their home countries and families."
I have a feeling they would not be a school in business for long if they had to tell their prospective parents the truth. Yet, a good number - though not all international schools - do exactly this. I hope things change.
"Our school hires the best single teachers with no children from around the world who had enough emotional baggage to want to escape their home countries and families."
I have a feeling they would not be a school in business for long if they had to tell their prospective parents the truth. Yet, a good number - though not all international schools - do exactly this. I hope things change.