The International Schools Review Forum

I've recently had an experience whereby the deputy at my current school who was once quite fond of me and would continually ask me to social events has now completed a 180. She is now hostile towards me and has let me know in week 3 of term 4 that her reference would 'not be one I liked'. My understanding of the situation is that the about turn is due to me not accepting the social invitations. The deputy is recently divorced and I feel that I am somehow paying for this. I am the only male teacher at my school. So, clearly I have removed her from my references, but was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how did they deal with it. My feeling is that it is highly unprofessional as I have only ever received positive feedback from both staff and parents regarding my teaching.

OG

Basically she had a crush on you which is not uncommon when relationships break up. It deflects emotions elsewhere. There was probably a lot of daydreaming involved. When she realised this was not reciprocated she turned nasty. She is treating you like an ex. You have done nothing wrong and you are right it's totally unprofessional. Bit of a bunny boiler situation where the sex was pure fantasy. I don't have a clue how to advise you except to remain civil and professional.

Thanks for the reply, luckily only 7 weeks to go then off to a new school next year.

I think i will be a bit more guarded in my next position.

On the bright side, I learnt a new phrase, 'Bunny Boiler' :)

Cheers

OG

Ah, bunny boiler is a common term in the UK. It's a reference to Glen Close in Fatal attraction. Seven weeks. Yeah you can do it no problem. You would not be the first person to find themselves in a relationship they knew nothing about. Good luck with the new job.

If youre not open to reciprocating the relationship, and manipulating it to your advantage than I would concur with @Ifyousayso. You were an escape for the deputy in her mind and the illusion has been shattered for some reason or another and now your as much her ex as her actual ex is. Your moving on soon enough anyway just stay professional and civil and avoid this member of leadership as much as possible.

More specifically, bunny boiler is a relationship with a nut case.

PsyGuy wrote:
> If youre not open to reciprocating the relationship, and manipulating it to your
> advantage than I would concur with @Ifyousayso.

LOL! PsyGuy- you drive me nuts with some of your answers but this response was CLASSIC. Hilarious! I've never considered manipulating the boss to use to my advantage, but no doubt it happens.