The International Schools Review Forum

Not sure if this is the place to post this or not but this board has been SO helpful in guiding us along for our Overseas Teaching adventure, I have to give it a shot. I guess my question is do you veterans recommend going home for your first Christmas away? It will be expensive but we do have the $ as the package we are getting is very generous. Obviously we will end up saving a little less but we are thinking it would be nice for us to come home and see all of friends and family. (We would get almost a month home.) The only reason I hesitate is that it is about a 20 hour flight and I am a little nervous the kids may come home and have a tough time heading back? Am I over thinking this one? Sure appreciate any words of advice. Thanks for your help.

Shansar

I would recommend doing whatever you want. I'm sure that doesn't sound helpful, but go with your gut. After a few months in your new life, going back home will be more like going back to visit people who still live where you used to. It may be helpful with the kids and their settling in experience, if they know that they can look forward to going back "home" to see family and friends. It is also really nice to travel to see new and exotic places with your children (these experiences are priceless . . . trust me). You may want to consider making it a family decision with your kids. This could give them a sense of control in a situation where they probably will be feeling very vulnerable. You could sit down with them and list places they would like to visit in the area and make a home and travel chart. Take it as you will! Good luck and it will be great whatever you decide! Enjoy :)

I agree that there is no correct answer. My wife and I went overseas a while back. We did fly home on Christmas. Looking back I think it was a mistake- although my wife was home sick.

We looked at the 2 year contract as more of a temporary assignment, and didn't make a mental break from the place we left. It didn't allow us to really get used to the new posting, and we missed out on some great experiences traveling locally.

I intend on going back overseas now that I've got kids. When we do go over, I would like to use Christmas as a chance to explore and enrich our lives, not go back to our old stomping grounds. I know missing family hurts, but if your kids never make the transition to seeing your new location as home, they'll have a hard time getting all the benefits of the experience.

I agree with JISAlum, take the opportunity to travel. I think the first Christmas can be a watershed point, one where you finally accept where you are and life becomes easier. While I have never gone home at Christmas I think it might make the adjustment to a new culture a little bit harder.

One school that I worked at gave a workshop on adjustment to a new culture. They stated there were stages of adjustment one must go through:

1. Initial experience- you're basically a tourist, spending money, having a blast.
2. Shock- you realize you're over there to actually do a job- and adjust to all the differences.
3. Adjustment- you learn how to live. You've found a doctor, know where to get good Mexican food, know where to shop for what you need.
4. Assimilation- you consider your new location home.

I think going home for Christmas for some just prolongs steps 2 & 3. Getting to step 4 was something we never did, and I think that is where you really benefit from the experience. When you take home leave in the summer, and start getting antsy in early August to 'get back home' you know you've made the adjustment.

I am going to have to agree with Overhere and JIS Alum . . . you have a compelling argument. The only difference of opinion that I would offer would have to do with your intentions. Do you intend on staying overseas or are you just going for a couple of years? Then again, most people plan on going for a couple of years and end up staying overseas for a long time. I really think in the long run it wouldn't matter. I would certainly choose to take advantage of traveling overseas while you are overseas! Take care :-)

I agree, no right answer, but Christmas was when we loved to travel, if the funds were there. We never went back "home." That's what summer break was for.

I think it also depends on how important the Christmas holidays are to you and your family. Christmas was always a big family gathering time for us, so I've always made it a priority to get back home then. I do my traveling to other places in the summer.

We have done it both ways - and never again will we go ON VACATION for a month with kids. It's too long, not to mention expensive. In the past, we had the good fortune of having parents with large empty homes - it was easy to move in and not disrupt them too much, in fact we made sure to be a help and leave the house somehow better off than when we arrived - clean something out they meant to get to or do an odd job they'd been putting off. It worked for all.
When their living situations changed and visiting was no longer feasible for lengthy periods, we tried the travel route - ugh. It just gets old. Finally we invested in a place that is wonderful in summer and tolerable in winter - since we don't have the long vacations every year, it just depends on the calendar, when we have the lengthy holiday we go home and survive all cramped into the small cabin. It's still a lot larger than two hotel rooms, and since we're already paying the mortgage, doesn't bite into the budget as much. When vacation is short, then we travel. Funny how even then the kids wish we were back in the cabin - seems more like home.

Thank You all so much for taking the time to respond. I appreciate all of your opinions. We are going to let the kids help us decide what we will do, so everyone has some buy in. You guys are great.
Thanks again! :D