The International Schools Review Forum

I was hoping to get some information about being a single mother in the Middle East, specifically Dubai. As a single woman who plans on having children (or adopting) without a partner, what are the possibilities of living a normal stigma-free life with your child? I've read horror stories about women being jailed along with their babies after giving birth. Is this a normal practice? Are there laws that exist in that area?

Should I reconsider the Middle East as a possible post for future employment? Are there certain countries that are more open to this scenario?

Thanks in advance for any insight.

If you give birth in Dubai without being married, you can be jailed. If you come to Dubai as a single mother (biological or adopted), I don't think you will have a problem. I know several single, western moms. They seem to do fine.

I would recommend having as much paperwork as possible. We had a friend who was a single mother, and they required paperwork from the biological father giving permission for the child to be there. If you go through international adoption, it will be fine. If you are using something like artificial insemination, you will probably have paperwork on that. Anything to prove that you have not been "unfaithful" or committing adultery. In the UAE, if you are single and sleep with someone, you can still be jailed for committing adultery.

Speaking in terms of stigma, I expect you would face plenty. I have lived for three years in Abu Dhabi as a single woman past the young age of marriage expected here. I have found that in this culture, women relate to each other by inquiring about family and relationships. The first questions you will face when you meet most Arab women and many Asian women are: "Do you have children?", "Are you married?", and then, "Why not?" As an American, I took these questions as intrusive and rude initially, until I understood that they were expressions of a genuine interest in starting a friendship. You will need to be prepared to answer these questions and be prepared for a bristle of a response if your answers don't align with Islamic culture. Bluntly, people won't want to hear your child was born outside of marriage. They will think it's very strange that you chose to have a child or to adopt without a husband, and most won't hesitate to give you their opinion. Your children will also face questions and reactions. Fatherless children are looked down upon by the entire culture. (Think of your grandmother's generation--homes for unwed mothers, etc.-- and multiply that by three). Adoption is not viewed in the same way in most of the Arab world as it is in the U.S. Orphans are cared for by family members or sent away to orphanages. As I understand it, Islam encourages people to give money to orphans, but not necessarily to adopt them. Muslim women with adopted sons wear the veil around their own adopted sons once they come of age, a representation of how an adopted family child doesn't achieve full-fledged family member status-- very different from how we view adopted children in the U.S.

I don't want to be a downer, I love living in the UAE, but when I read your post my heart ached for you, and I didn't want to see you step into a world of hurt. The UAE is comparably open in many ways, but still not a place to stray too far from accepted conventions. There are many other beautiful communities you could find to begin your family, but I would steer clear of the Middle East if I shared your noble desires. Sincere blessings to you!

I agree with the "stronger4it" post. I grew up in areas of the Middle East and often travel back and forth due to family connections. Stronger4it described this aspect of the culture ( in regards to their views on family, children etc ) accurately. Your desire to have a child via adoption or some other means ( and not have a father figure ) is your own personal choice that is admired or respected in the West...and it is A BIG, important desire or goal, from what I gather. This is not as easy as changing some of your lifestyle habits when you move into a new host country.