Hi,
We are taking our 15 year old lad on our 1st overseas assignment shortly. We are very excited for him to be in an international school environment but we were interested if anyone has any advice for helping to set him up for his new school and life in a foreign country.
Cheers :)
Teenagers in the International School Environment
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superunknown
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2015 7:44 pm
Re: Teenagers in the International School Environment
There are whole books and websites on the question. I recommend a google search on Third Culture Kids for a start. And orient yourself and your teen on the ups and downs of culture shock.
Personally, a few tips:
- No one in the family is allowed to make decisions or even statements about whether they like or dislike the new life/country/school for at least 6 months after arrival. You may like or dislike specific things if you have to, but no blanket statements.
- Learn it, live it, love it: Not better, not worse, just different. So many things will be different. If you can teach your teen, and model yourself, that different is not necessarily better or worse, you can prevent a lot of angst.
Prep these things starting now. Build a flexible mindset that is prepared to accept lots of new and different things, suspending value judgments as much as possible.
Don't make promises you can't keep. It may seem that with your new higher salary, you can finally afford to get Timmy those guitar lessons he's always wanted. But then you find out on arrival that there is a shortage of guitar teachers, they all work a 40 minute drive away, there's a 300% import duty on guitars, and your son has far more homework than you ever expected. So no promises in advance. Lots of "we'll see". Exciting new things will be possible, but it's pretty impossible to predict in advance what exactly they will be.
Support your son in setting up the technology he will need to stay connected with friends and family back home. Don't support him in hiding in his new room 24-7 and only interacting with people thousands of miles away, but make sure it is relatively easy for him to connect with important people on a regular basis.
Personally, a few tips:
- No one in the family is allowed to make decisions or even statements about whether they like or dislike the new life/country/school for at least 6 months after arrival. You may like or dislike specific things if you have to, but no blanket statements.
- Learn it, live it, love it: Not better, not worse, just different. So many things will be different. If you can teach your teen, and model yourself, that different is not necessarily better or worse, you can prevent a lot of angst.
Prep these things starting now. Build a flexible mindset that is prepared to accept lots of new and different things, suspending value judgments as much as possible.
Don't make promises you can't keep. It may seem that with your new higher salary, you can finally afford to get Timmy those guitar lessons he's always wanted. But then you find out on arrival that there is a shortage of guitar teachers, they all work a 40 minute drive away, there's a 300% import duty on guitars, and your son has far more homework than you ever expected. So no promises in advance. Lots of "we'll see". Exciting new things will be possible, but it's pretty impossible to predict in advance what exactly they will be.
Support your son in setting up the technology he will need to stay connected with friends and family back home. Don't support him in hiding in his new room 24-7 and only interacting with people thousands of miles away, but make sure it is relatively easy for him to connect with important people on a regular basis.
Re: Teenagers in the International School Environment
As a product of living overseas and attending International Schools, I would say that it is a great opportunity which will have lasting benefits. Looking back, I would not have traded my experiences for anything. Being able to interact with other international students, travel to far off places, and learn in schools that promote international/global values is something that does not come around everyday. You have made a good decision opening your kid's eyes to the big, wide world. Good Luck!
Re: Teenagers in the International School Environment
Best thing about living overseas--so many people come and go that it's much easier to settle in to a new school often than it would be in your home country. As the parent of 3 teens, I've found that it helps to try to have a good match between the teen and their interests. In China, 1 of our teens really struggled with the high-test atmosphere but grew tremendously in the activities and sports. Here in Saudi, both of them have severely chafed against the lack of social opportunities and limited sports and activities and it was very hard for them.
It also matters if you as a family are settled and content. When our children have struggled the most was when we were under stress and and out of balance.
We have loved having our teens overseas--it brings its own set of challenges, but it's been so great!
It also matters if you as a family are settled and content. When our children have struggled the most was when we were under stress and and out of balance.
We have loved having our teens overseas--it brings its own set of challenges, but it's been so great!
Response
I dont agree with the "no complaining" that closes communication, its better to get the frustration out and move on than resent it for a much longer period of time. Restricting what they can complain about is invalidating their feelings and thoughts. Better to hear it, deal with it, and then move on then live with silence
1) Defiantly have available the social and internet opportunities for them to stay in touch back home. Teens are so much more highly invested in their peer groups than primary aged children are. Their peer groups are their life.
2) Identify resources before even leaving that will allow provide your teen social opportunities. I have yet to find an IS that has any form of athletics or ASP program that is remotely close to the competitive level of domestic schools athletic programs. This means finding a club program for them in whatever it is they pursue.
3) Identify the "expat" community in your region. If your appointment is at an embassy IS this becomes far less an issue, but if your IS is a local school and they are one of only a handful of westerners, there are going to be socialization issues, language being just one barrier. It will be essential to direct for and provide them with opportunities to socialize with what they identify with as their peerage.
4) If they are a gamer prepare for either a significant investment in electronics in your new location, or have the discussion early that they will need an adjustment in their interests.
5) Get them learning the language, now, if they can attend a summer program in the language that is a good start. Socialization will be much easier even with just a basic level of proficiency in the language.
6) Budget for a new mobile device and appropriate plan, with the understanding that there may be a delay in being able to access mobile technology depending on your region. Data plans are usually more restricted or complex than SMS and voice only plans.
7) Im sure your teen is great, but as an educator and your child being a teenager, it is absolutely imperative you have the talk with them about appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and what the VASTLY more serious legal repercussions are for what would be only a minor offense domestically.
8) Be alert to signs of depression but dont smother your teen, this is a very vulnerable change for them, some negotiate the transition well, and some do not. Have a talk with the ISs school counselor and let them now youd appreciate it if they introduced themselves to your teen and stayed in regular contact.
1) Defiantly have available the social and internet opportunities for them to stay in touch back home. Teens are so much more highly invested in their peer groups than primary aged children are. Their peer groups are their life.
2) Identify resources before even leaving that will allow provide your teen social opportunities. I have yet to find an IS that has any form of athletics or ASP program that is remotely close to the competitive level of domestic schools athletic programs. This means finding a club program for them in whatever it is they pursue.
3) Identify the "expat" community in your region. If your appointment is at an embassy IS this becomes far less an issue, but if your IS is a local school and they are one of only a handful of westerners, there are going to be socialization issues, language being just one barrier. It will be essential to direct for and provide them with opportunities to socialize with what they identify with as their peerage.
4) If they are a gamer prepare for either a significant investment in electronics in your new location, or have the discussion early that they will need an adjustment in their interests.
5) Get them learning the language, now, if they can attend a summer program in the language that is a good start. Socialization will be much easier even with just a basic level of proficiency in the language.
6) Budget for a new mobile device and appropriate plan, with the understanding that there may be a delay in being able to access mobile technology depending on your region. Data plans are usually more restricted or complex than SMS and voice only plans.
7) Im sure your teen is great, but as an educator and your child being a teenager, it is absolutely imperative you have the talk with them about appropriate and inappropriate behavior, and what the VASTLY more serious legal repercussions are for what would be only a minor offense domestically.
8) Be alert to signs of depression but dont smother your teen, this is a very vulnerable change for them, some negotiate the transition well, and some do not. Have a talk with the ISs school counselor and let them now youd appreciate it if they introduced themselves to your teen and stayed in regular contact.