Talking to your own kids" future teachers

CanChi4
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Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:34 am

Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by CanChi4 »

So, some of us go to new schools not just as teachers but as parents as well with all the parents' worries about the new school. As merely a parent I would fire off an email right away to ask questions but as a future cohort of the staff I have to think about this carefully. I don''t want to come off as someone asking for special requests. For example, one of our children is an exceptional cellist and made it into a very special ensemble where we are now. He is absolutely furious that he won't be able to participate since we are moving. I would like to ask the future music teacher about possibilities for this child at the new school (I have been told the music program at the school is medium quality). I have other questions for the staff as well.
Helpful and positive advice welcome!!
Thames Pirate
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Joined: Fri Jul 05, 2013 8:06 am

Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by Thames Pirate »

I don't think you need to be anything but a parent at this point. You aren't complaining--you are asking about opportunities locally, both within and beyond the school, for your talented youngster. So say that--that you are putting out feelers for your kid, who is worried about the move, and that you want the transition to be seamless and quick for him. I don't imagine a music teacher is going to be put out by questions about youth orchestras or private instruction from someone new to the country, regardless of whether or not the parent will be on staff. I know we have a dedicated teacher but limited admin support, making for a mediocre program, and the teacher would not characterise it otherwise himself. That's okay.

As for other questions, I think if you ask them in an up-front way--curiosity about the new work and home environment--I can't see why it's a problem. It's not like you're being confrontational.
PsyGuy
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Response

Post by PsyGuy »

Absolutely NOT, I strongly disagree with @Thames Pirate. Here is the issue and Im sure as a DT you understand this. Things dont just have to be fair they have to sound and look fair too. First, you arent really a parent, not in so much as the other parents who are paying fees are. Second, The music IT even if they say everything is fine, you dont know anything about them, and you dont want to create a negative impression, even if you have the best of intentions. The next thing you know leadership is asking you why your trying to get your child into the orchestra or band without going through the same process every one else does, it could blow up in your face. Thats one option, the other option is the IT says "no" and now you have irked them off. If they would say yes to you now, they would say yes to you later as well. There really is no upside and lots of potential down side.

I would advise you wait until you get onsite, youll be there before the year starts, and when all the other ITs have had a chance to meet you, and youve bonded, than make a casual inquiry. If you have any questions direct them first to your leadership and go from there.

You are not just another parent, you are an employee, you are always the latter, and rarely the former.
Thames Pirate
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Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by Thames Pirate »

Maybe there's a piece I am missing, but it sounds like you are just wanting to know what opportunities are out there for your kid, not trying to get them preferential treatment. Why would you need to go through leadership to get a simple answer on where your kid can participate in a youth orchestra or take lessons or whatnot? It's not likely they will know anyway. And why would it matter what fees your kids pay when you ask that question?

I am just not seeing the freak-out reason. Unless it's just PsyGuy wanting to be contrary, which seems likely given his "go to leadership" attitude here when he advocated driving them all off a cliff in a previous thread.

Asking normal parent questions that have nothing to do with your job as a teacher and ask nothing out of the ordinary of the music teacher shouldn't be an issue for the teacher or leadership.
grdwdgrrrl
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Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 6:26 pm

Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by grdwdgrrrl »

CanChi4 wrote:
> So, some of us go to new schools not just as teachers but as parents as
> well with all the parents' worries about the new school. As merely a parent
> I would fire off an email right away to ask questions but as a future
> cohort of the staff I have to think about this carefully. I don''t want to
> come off as someone asking for special requests. For example, one of our
> children is an exceptional cellist and made it into a very special ensemble
> where we are now. He is absolutely furious that he won't be able to
> participate since we are moving. I would like to ask the future music
> teacher about possibilities for this child at the new school (I have been
> told the music program at the school is medium quality). I have other
> questions for the staff as well.
> Helpful and positive advice welcome!!

I would look for facebook groups in your new locale. They can be a great forum for kid/parental type questions. Then you can avoid ruffling feathers at the school.
Walter
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Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by Walter »

As is always the case, it's the way you present yourself when asking such questions that will count. You want to come across as an interested parent and not a hyper-anxious helicopter parent. You want to be looking for alternatives, not demanding special treatment. You want to be saying "My son is really keen on the cello." Not "My son is going to be the next Yo-yo Ma." If you ask in the right way, no school worth its salt would take exception to such queries, and nor would any teachers. Write your questions to the person who interviewed you and see if (s)he can find out for you. We answer all kinds of questions for new hires, and no one turns a hair.
Depending on where you're going (not in Europe!), you can often find really high quality private tuition at very affordable rates!
PsyGuy
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Location: Northern Europe

Reply

Post by PsyGuy »

@Thames Pirate

You have no idea who the music IT is, they could be a prima-donna that is upset they never made it big either in their instrument, as a vocalist, or as a conductor. They could be the ultra serious and take offense to someone telling them how to run their program, they could take every single question as a personal offense, they could perceive everything in an exaggerated way. You have no idea.
This is less of an issue when your a PAYING client, and you can make complaints though whatever the ISs dispute resolution process is, but one, as an IT on the faculty who is getting their education as a free benefit, you cant exactly vote with your pocket book, and two you have to work with whoever this person is, why risk souring the relationship.
This is one of the instances where what leadership does is add value (making your job easier), ask leadership how to proceed, they know who their music IT is, and how they will respond, and letting leadership doing the heavy lifting for you allows you to maintain your separation. They might just tell you to ask the music IT directly, they may do so on your behalf, and they might tell you to just wait until you arrive. All of those are better options than the possibility of being perceived as trying to curie special favor.

Its all about how you are going to be perceived, and while you can intend the presentation of your inquiry one way, you have no control how someone else perceives it, why put yourself in that position when thats what leadership is for.

LOL, Everything has to do with your job.
expatscot
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Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by expatscot »

Personally I made it part of the application process - if there weren't the subjects for my daughter to study, or the opportunity for her to do certain extra-curricular work, then it fell off my list. And to some that will sound daft, but to me as a parent getting her through her secondary education and the best results is equally as important (if not more important) than my own happiness in my role - that can come in a few years time.

I did actually approach her new school about something, as I was concerned about a subject which she will be required to take in the new school but isn't here and is far from being a subject of strength for her. The school were reassuring, with a promise to keep an eye on her and for us to discuss it when we arrive. I don't think there's anything wrong in that - quite the opposite, I'd be more concerned about the parent pushing a child towards something they knew their child was unable to do.
Thames Pirate
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Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by Thames Pirate »

If the person is that sensitive the relationship would have soured anyway. We all have colleagues with whom we don't get along as well. A normal inquiry should be no big deal. Meanwhile, you are, first and foremost, a parent. Making a simple inquiry for your son is easy enough to help ease his transition.
PsyGuy
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Location: Northern Europe

Reply

Post by PsyGuy »

@Thames Pirate

Why start off with a soured relationship to begin with, let leadership run interference for you. You know NOTHING about the faculty personalities of the IS youre going to. You have no idea if this is a simple inquiry.

We disagree you are first and foremost an IT, and you are a non-paying parent.
nathan61
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Joined: Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:08 pm

Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by nathan61 »

Maybe at the worst bottom feeder schools non-paying parents are treated differently, but this is something I have never heard of. I would absolutely approach the music teacher with questions. My daughter's piano teacher is fully booked up before the start of every school year, so it is a good idea to find out about private teachers in your new destination. In many countries the best Anglophone tutors are in high demand. Most teachers will welcome a student who is passionate about their particular subject area.
PsyGuy
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Location: Northern Europe

Reply

Post by PsyGuy »

@nathan61

Thats not what the LW is asking about, they want to contact the music IT not about available private tutors but about opportunities for their child in the ISs ensemble/band/orchestra program. That could easily be seen as curing special favor.
Overhere
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Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by Overhere »

In the end, if you don't do right by your kids who will?
CanChi4
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Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:34 am

Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by CanChi4 »

Thanks all. I feel more confident about approaching the teachers. The school leadership indicated that we are parents first, then teachers, so I felt like they might be open to questions. Thank you all for giving thoughtful replies.
mamava
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Re: Talking to your own kids" future teachers

Post by mamava »

I think if you have a specific question--such as the types of programs--and you ask carefully, you'd probably be OK. Our son played rugby but our current school doesn't have a program so we asked about community opportunities. He played baseball, then at the next school softball, but the opportunities were pretty poor, so we asked specific questions about the number of games, tournaments, etc. I don't know if we were lucky, but we had time during interviews to ask those parent questions before we signed on.

To ask what kind of opportunities might be available--in addition to the school orchestra, to ask if there are additional opportunities in the community to participate in, to ask if private lessons are available at the school or in the community to continue something the child has already been doing--that isn't necessarily a negative thing. How you phrase it--"my son is a gifted cellist so we hope you'll be able to measure up" versus "my son is passionate about the cello and we are wanting to reassure him that he'll continue to play by helping him understand what is offered" is always important when making those first connections.

About other questions, your best bet might be to continue to direct those to your principal, or your "buddy" if your school assigns you to help with those types of questions.

Good luck!
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