advice for personality conflict with director

coughingfurballs
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 3:41 am

advice for personality conflict with director

Post by coughingfurballs »

What can you do if a new director just seems to (really) dislike you? If you have a successful track record, but find yourself suddenly in a position in which you are being targeted/picked at for little things, and it is just clear that she (director) just really dislikes you on a personal level? To the point that other people have pointed it out to you?

It is her first year as a director. No unions overseas, of course. Colleagues keep advising tactics that would work great at home, where there are, you know, laws and procedures, but this woman just gets really angry when I say anything in my defense. I'm starting to realise that she can just sack me with no repercussions.

Can anyone offer any advice/practicalities for this situation, or for coping emotionally in this situation? I'm lost.
wrldtrvlr123
Posts: 1173
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:59 am
Location: Japan

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by wrldtrvlr123 »

In the situation you describe, they hold all of the cards so it is up to you to try and repair/improve the situation as best you can.

Try making an appointment and having a productive conversation:

I feel like we may have gotten off on the wrong foot...

I wanted to have a chance to touch base with you and see how you think things are going...

Is there anything I can be doing to help bring your vision for the school to fruition?

etc...

At best you may find some common ground or cause them to see you in a new light. At worst, you will really see how much they actively dislike you and then can decide on your next course of action (e.g. digging a foxhole or updating your CV).

Good luck!
vandsmith
Posts: 348
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 12:16 am

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by vandsmith »

whew! tough one!

i would second what wrldtrvlr said, but if it was me i'm not sure i would make an appointment.
i would keep the conversation, any conversation you have, light and positive. if it's genuine dislike then you may just need to keep being the great teacher i assume you are. keep saying hello, pop your head in a few times, say something good about what they are doing with the school, etc...

if there's a specific reason for their dissatisfaction then try to find out what it is - ask your principal if you have a good relationship but if all else fails, do what the above poster says: schedule an appointment to speak candidly with your director. express that you feel as if something has been off in your relationship.

even unions can't force someone to like you. be professional and don't give them any ammunition.

good luck!

v.
wrldtrvlr123
Posts: 1173
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:59 am
Location: Japan

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by wrldtrvlr123 »

True, just popping by might be better but that would depend on the director I suppose. You want to have their full attention and demonstrate that you are there in a positive spirit not for a complaint/confrontation. You would have to conclude whether an appt. or a drop in would best accomplish that based on your knowledge of the person.
eion_padraig
Posts: 408
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:18 pm

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by eion_padraig »

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Aside from scheduling to meet with the director and clear the air, which could work if they're reasonable, is there someone who can mediate? For instance, are you a teacher who reports to a principal and the principal reports to the director? Or some similar situation? If there is such a person, can you go to them to ask advice? Would you trust that person to give good advice?

But again, plan B is to find a new job when you can, which is unfortunate if it has to be that way.

Good luck. Let us know how it turns out when things get sorted out.
PsyGuy
Posts: 10789
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

Response

Post by PsyGuy »

You cant make people like you, Its actually better that they show there dislike for you, at least that way you know where you stand, and wont be surprised in a couple years to find out your director has been undermining your career with a negative reference behind your back.

They hold all the cards, but even if there was a union, association or regulatory authority, I dont know what they would do, you cant mandate someone like you, and if you did file a complaint about it, they would likely put all the blame and accusations on you, and theyre your superior.

You have several options:

1) Talk to them. Arrange a meeting, or early conference. Ask them if theres anything they are unhappy with your performance, any thing your doing wrong, or they would like you to do differently. Then ask if there is a personal issue. Maybe you remind them the person who their spouse left them for, maybe an ex bf/gf, maybe you remind them of their sibling or family member they dont like. Maybe they know you and you dont know them. Maybe you said something negative about their LabroDoodle on Facebook or something. Maybe someone else is sabotaging you behind your back. Maybe you smell, or they think you are unattractive, or too attractive. I could go on, there could be any number of reasons, and maybe they will tell you, and theres something you can do about it.

2) Talk to their supervisor or ownership. Will likely get you dismissed.

3) Set up someone for them to dislike more than you. Might not work and if anyone finds out everyone else on staff will hate you. Probably wont be there long.

4) Make a sacrifice. Either do something for them, or with them, or help them in some unconventional way. Some admins make you "earn" their friendship, if you dont do something special and extra for them, your on their enemies list. Approval is a cheap way of getting people to do more for you, without any real work.

5) Set them up. Some inappropriate images on their school computer, an anonymous report to an accrediting regulatory authority, contraband in their office/desk, rumors to someone in ownership or a parent, missing money, sexual harassment.

6) Ignore them. How often do you have to see your director, your in a classroom most of the time, and a lot of people dont like their supervisor. Just do the bauble head, go along and get along, dont cause waves or be confrontational. Just agree with them and either do what they say or keep doing what your doing.

Whats really important isnt how you handle this, its what you do about it, your days are probably numbered at this school, so what you need is to have an exit plan. You never know when the hammer is going to fall and you need.
Start collecting parent and teacher references/contacts. Talk to coworkers and other admins about using them as a reference, and start looking for another position. Are you going to leave or stay? Start locally. Do some interviews, substituting can get you by, and potentially lead to another (better school). Research your stay and residency status, can you stay or are you required to leave? Do you have work permission thats not tied to your employer.
Id consider the job/contract over, at this point, your not likely to get renewed (and why would you want to), and your not going to get a positive reference, so getting this position buried in your resume is the most important. That happens the sooner you find another position.
wntriscoming
Posts: 114
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2012 3:44 am

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by wntriscoming »

I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, I agree with the posters suggesting that you get your CV ready.

If you don't feel that you can talk with her and improve your situation, then I think your best advice is:

"Be professional and don't give them any ammunition."

"Start collecting parent and teacher references/contacts. Talk to coworkers and other admins about using them as a reference, and start looking for another position."

It really will be important how your building principal sees you. Is that relationship a good one?
coughingfurballs
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 3:41 am

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by coughingfurballs »

It is a small school and so I can't avoid the director. At my previous post, the director sat in his office and teachers were managed by principals, but here there is only the director. There is a rumor that she did this to someone at her previous school, but we got that information "second hand", so who knows.

I can't avoid her and I didn't do anything wrong, so I don't know how to stop it. How do I look for a new job without alerting the current director to this? I accept that I have to get out of here, but I think I need to last the year. If I apply for other jobs, will they call my director? I heard that many directors know each other in the International teaching world.
vandsmith
Posts: 348
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2014 12:16 am

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by vandsmith »

well you only have a few months to go. that's something.

you're right, the international teaching scene, especially among that level of administrators is relatively small, but that could also work in your favour. if she's a wonk, and has done this before, chances are people may know about it... unless of course SHE is new in which case it depends on how well you can explain yourself.

not to be suspicious or to set that up in any way, but you may want to keep some anecdotal notes on conversations just to be safe.

yes your situation is precarious in that respect, i.e. of looking for other opportunities, but such is the life of an IT. send feelers out to friends, or even schools you may be interested in - either in the same region or elsewhere. it's your livelihood after all, and her reputation even as a director. so if she's too iron-fisted it could rub many teachers the wrong way.

best of luck!

v.
Basmad6
Posts: 67
Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2015 11:14 pm

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by Basmad6 »

Update the CV, put feelers out, and I'd even suggest to not trust colleagues to confide in with this situation unless you're absolutely positive they can keep your convos close. Do your best to stick to the rules and routine without giving any reason for her to question your performance. The less you speak of it the better. She can't accuse you of bad mouthing her.

I was in a similar situation and I attempted to resolve the conflict and the director even agreed to work on communication with me and when he returned from a conference away he flipped his decision and went full steam ahead with any and every tactic to isolate me and bate me (I know he wanted to fire me). I found out later from another admin that he was advised NOT to do any work to improve our communication as it would show as a weakness to our governing board...the idea that HE needed to work on communication. My saving grace is that he resigned in February of the year and I survived the last few months and moved on. I did document conversations and interactions with him as I was in a state of shock that it was even happening and I knew I had to keep notes should something come to a head to try and protect myself. He had actively recruited me to work for him and within 6 weeks of starting I knew I'd made a mistake.

So sorry you're experiencing this. Maybe it will help to know there's only 14 or so Mondays left in the school year.
PsyGuy
Posts: 10789
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

Reply

Post by PsyGuy »

@ coughingfurballs

So basically your director is your principal.

You have to start looking now. If you wait until the end of your school term, it will be June and there will be FAR fewer vacancies anywhere. It will basically just be bottom tier ISs in the ME and Asia. Your options are

THE GOOD

Is there any indication they are searching for your replacement? You could just tough it out, everyone dislikes their admin. You could end up someplace worse, and you do currently have a job. If shes as bad as you say, she probably wont be there very long, you could easily outlast her, or she could move on. If your a good teacher, your students, parents and coworkers like you, this school doent sound like in can be to choosy, so even if she hates you, she recognizes the value you bring as an asset. I know plenty of teachers who just keep their heads down and do the bauble head at bottom tier schools.

THE BAD:

Go full assault. Include the current job you have get as many references as you can. Yes your director will find out, no matter what you say or ask or list, an admin is more likely than not to Google the school and contact your HOS (director). They will likely trash you. Just be honest with recruiters and admins when discussing your current IS, and why you didnt list your current admin as a reference. If this admin has a reputation then it shouldnt hurt you. If the IS is going to contact the admin to get the negative trashy reference than they are interested (they would just discard your candidacy without going though the trouble of contacting your current admin). At some point your director will have a meeting with you when they find out and you just tell them "Were not a good fit, your not happy with me, and I need to protect my interests"
The problem is you might get dismissed, leaving you without income.

THE UGLY:

You pull a "Ghost Year", remove the current school from your resume, and just pretend it never happened. You spent the year studying, painting, traveling, taking pictures, back packing, climbing a mountain, living with a bf/gf, planing a wedding, a sick relative, your goldfish died. The rule is you can lose a year and not have it effect your marketability. Once you have another job and a reference there, you can add this school back in for the experience, as current references rule previous references, and few ISs will go further back than one school, especially if you dont list the admin.
PIEGUY
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2015 12:06 pm

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by PIEGUY »

If all else fails, PsyGuy is correct:

"THE UGLY:

You pull a "Ghost Year", remove the current school from your resume, and just pretend it never happened." etc.
Rob
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:07 am

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by Rob »

I have never had a personality conflict with directors or principals, but the OP strikes me as someone who really wants to be at the school he is at. I was at a top tier school in Singapore for almost 20 years, and maybe once every couple years I'd drop into the Headmasters office always informally, or even the Principal's office, to request feedback and constructive criticism on my teaching. I wanted him to know that I loved being there, and I wanted to be a better teacher. I know that sounds hokey, but I did it.

I always left the principal's office knowing that he was aware of my sincerity and desire to remain at the school. I sometimes think it is better to have this conversation with the principal, because he is always the one to have direct input on who is being retained.

I suggest you do the same thing. You sound very sincere, but also insecure. I hope you can have a similar conversation with the leadership there. The fact that I was at my school for so many years might have something minor to do with them being aware of my desire to remain and improve. Try it. Don't mention any personality conflict you have in the conversations. Just mention your desire to remain and improve as an educator.

Rob
nikkor
Posts: 218
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:59 pm

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by nikkor »

I'll be the bad guy on this one. The OP sounds like a perfectly fine teacher, and I have no reason to think otherwise. However, he/she may not be doing a very good job, or at least it's perceived that way. If that's the case, the new director may be "cleaning house," or trying to push the OP out. I've seen some form of this happen at every school where I've worked.

If this were the case, I think the other posters' advice has been good. Do the best job you can, and move on. Depending on what's still out there for your position, why wait? Most heads are pretty generous about letting ITs out of contracts.

Bad relationships or conflict can be the very worst thing about international teaching. We all need and depend on each other so much, that sometimes one bad relationship can ruin an entire school year.
Nomad68
Posts: 175
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:50 pm
Location: East of nowhere you want to be

Re: advice for personality conflict with director

Post by Nomad68 »

Sadly I have been through this twice. In one case it was a VP who was a very petty micromanager and set policies without thinking things through. Some of these undermined my own work, negatively impacting my own performance. When I said so he ambushed me with a couple of meetings which he turned into impromptu performance reviews (a month before contracts were renewed or not). It was clear I was being set up and the writing was on the wall so I dusted off my CV. When someone is in that position over you in a country where you have no real job protection the best you can hope for is to resign and put the bad situation behind you. There are some head teachers out there who are not fit for the job and who are quite happy to let you know they can and do get away with stuff they could not 'back home'.
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