same sex wife

[nalfc]

Hi I have read the blog on alternative relationships and I am newly applying to international schools (I have 11 years UK experience, 10 as a HOD in three different schools). I am getting married to my same sex partner (female) however I do not know when it is appropriate to mention this, we are aware that she will not qualify for spouse benefits in most countries ans that she will have to be on a tourist visa for most countries, we are obviously keeping away from the Middle East and Africa.

Do I mention before interview, after interview or not at all - clearly if they are offering school accomodation then it is an issue. I am totally stuck on what the solution should be, any advice would be greatly appreciated

[migratingbird]

Hi, I'm not in quite the same position as you, however I do have an...erm....undesirable partner (we're not married, and he's African) in the eyes of many schools. When I put his nationality on me letter of application, I got nothing. I dropped his nationality and quickly racked up 4 interviews. In all 4 interviews I was upfront about his Kenyan passport. I got two rejections, and, feeling demoralised, I emailed the schools to ask for feedback and to see if his nationality was a factor. Both schools were quick to respond, and both denied that his nationality was the reason. One school I believe, the other I don't. However, the other two schools both offered jobs and I'm now sorted for next year. Keep plugging away and I'm sure a job will materialise. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

[shadowjack]

There are schools out there that do hire same sex couples. Is she also a teacher?

What is/are your teaching areas (or both of your teaching areas).

Shad

[Flyingpigs]

Migrating bird--just nosey and curious here...do you feel that his nationality was more of a factor than the fact that you are not married? Do some schools ( not including the middle east) care about the "not married" part? I am single, with no partner so again--just being nosey. :)

[journey61]

I am a gay man who just came home from my first ISS fair in Boston and found the schools I spoke with to be very open and honest. I interviewed with about 8 or 9 different schools and the gay thing was always brought up as part of the discussion and never felt like a negative. Personally, I wouldn't want to teach somewhere where I had to be closeted again. I steered clear of schools in Africa, the Middle East, some parts of Asia and religious based schools for this reason. Incidentally I ended up with 5 offers (4 of the 5 in great schools/countries). Couldn't be happier and more excited for the future.

[Flyingpigs]

Thats fabulous Journey61!! YAY!!

[Dawson]

Journey61: Don't underestimate the Middle East and other countries where you assume it would be difficult to be gay. Sexuality is sexuality and it does happen in those places, it's just not as public as in the west. I actually find the Middle East to be less about the labels. In the west we always have to label. He's "gay", "Bi", etc. whereas, in the Middle East the roles are more defined, which you would think might make same sex relationships more difficult, but in reality it seems that there is actually more openness to same sex relationships. For the record, I don't mean sexual relationships, per se. Here men are very connected in an intimate way, again not necessarily sexual, but it affords them the opportunity to build very close relationships with each other. In my experience in the west we are so scared of anything appearing "gay" that you don't see those kind of intimate relationships, which I happen to think is a shame. So I don't think it's about "being in the closet" I think it's more of a keep in on the down-low thing. However, people should go where they are comfortable and if that means you being open about your sexuality (not sure what that even means) then they should go to places where they feel one hundred percent comfortable.

[Dawson]

I'm curious, which countries do allow same-sex couples to come together? I would think most of Latin America, the Middle East, and Africa (maybe not South Africa) would be out so what does that leave other than Europe? Japan, Singapore? What about China? Interesting thread.

[chilagringa]

I don't think Latin America is out. Mexico certainly wouldn't be. I know same-sex couple that works at one of the top schools in Mexico, and from what I can tell it hasn't been an issue. Mexico City is pretty gay-friendly, as is (I've heard) Guadalajara.

I'm not sure about other countries in L.A., but I would speculate that many would be OK... Argentina, Chile, Colombia maybe, if I had to guess?

[journey61]

Dawson, I guess that would depend on what you would consider difficult. I think in my research I found one Middle Eastern country in which being gay isn't considered illegal. I have friends living in the ME and have no personal bias against the ME, but I'm not crazy about the idea of moving to a country where I could be thrown into jail, or worse, simply for who I am. I've read many articles about this. Here's one if you are interested:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wor ... minalized/

[migratingbird]

Flyingpig - I think it was the double whammy. The African thing throws up alarm bells for visa processing, and the fact that there's no marriage certificate to tie us together would probably make it doubly hard. We've just done a "statutory declaration" of our relationship so that he can apply for a pass, but he's not entitled to a dependent visa. Hopefully all will be processed successfully!

[nalfc]

I have been looking at Latin America as some countries there are very progressive in giving human rights to gay people. I am avoiding Africa and the Middle East as it may be more accepted but we could find ourselves in very dodgy situations. But when should I mention it as I do not want it to be an issue but neither do I want to hide it. China as someone suggested is a no go - I got an interview at Yew Chung School then I asked a question about my partner and suddenly they had made amistake in teh short listing process so I do not want to be in that situation again.

[nalfc]

Oh I teach Business & IT. My future wife is non teaching but we will not qualify for benefits in most places as it will not be recognised as a legal union, this is not a problem at all for us

[Umyaya]

I think someone alluded to this, but just to be clear. Same sex marriage is legal in South Africa.

[eion_padraig]

So you're ruling out China because the school you pursued was a Christian school that isn't okay with same sex couples. Okay. My suggestion would be not to pursue conservative Christian schools any where.

Now if you're ruling it out because your wife won't be able to get a visa to live in China because they don't recognize same sex marriages, then that would make more sense.