Rejections suck.....

tlee10
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2012 10:18 pm

Rejections suck.....

Post by tlee10 »

Is it me or is being rejected by schools pretty much the same as being rejected by a girlfriend/boyfriend? Seriously, think about it. In both cases, you think to yourself: Was it me or was it her/him? What did I say or do to make things go wrong? Where do I go from here? I am attractive for anyone else at this point? Seriously, people, I couldn't eat or sleep that last night of the fair, knowing that I have been utterly and abjectly spurned by a lady whom I planned on committing many years of my life to.

Yep, I am taking it pretty hard. Originally, I wasn't really thinking about attending the Search San Francisco fair, as the quality and quantity of schools offering my position weren't that impressive. But one top level school I was interviewing with via Skype (twice) asked if I'll be attending. Then another school asked the same thing. So with two schools wanting to see me for follow-up, face-to-face interviews, I booked my tickets to go to SF immediately. What were the results of 6 interviews and many hours of research/preparation devoted to these two schools? A couple of postcards essentially telling me I was a very close bridesmaid. (I wonder if that is the standard operating procedure of recruiters; to let rejectees off the hook easily.)

In hindsight, I should have heeded the words that "beggars cannot be choosers." Specifically, I should have not been so exclusive in my interview selections. There were a handful of openings in China, Korea, and the ME. I was actually asked to interview with two schools in the aforementioned regions, and pretty much ignored them. I had my heart set; the only two schools I ended up talking with were tier 1, in desirable locations, with excellent packages. Partly because I was confident about landing one of those two jobs, and partly because I just didn't consider living in other areas, I ended up with nothing. Well, I take that back.

The experience was invaluable, and I know that I came very close, or so say my recruiters, to securing dream positions. More importantly, I know never to stay in the Vagabond Inn again. Everything was fine, but the creaking from any movements from upstairs. No seriously, the recruiters I interviewed with were great with me and offered a lot of sage advice for someone as new to this as I was.

I don't know if there's any point to this; I suppose I'm just venting anonymously. Is there any better way to do it? I have read recent postings about keeping your chin up at this stage in the whole courting game, and I will indeed keep at the dating scene. For now. Or until my poor, tender, fragile heart can't broken any further.
Lopaka
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2012 2:31 pm
Location: Hawaii

Post by Lopaka »

My heart goes out to you...rejection of any kind is difficult. Just remember, the competition for those top tier positions is fierce...just to get an interview is a feather in your cap, it's all about the fit in the eyes of the recruiter....tiny little things separate the bride and the bridesmaids. Hang in there...that offer you're hoping for will eventually come.
Lopaka
Mr.Cake
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:40 pm

Post by Mr.Cake »

Yeah I've been rejected twice in as many months. It's hard.

One was a tier-two in Thailand, which during and after the Skype interview I knew I wasn't a good fit. The other a tier-one from Northern Europe, which I felt I was a good fit for.

Caught myself downloading iPad apps for maps/things to do as well as looking at flight costs to and from the locations, before I'd secured the positions... knew I shouldn't have, but I did.

My gf turns round to me and says, "Well at least you still have a job, many people nowadays don't" - and she's right.

Try and keep things in perspective and keep plugging away...
PsyGuy
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Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

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Post by PsyGuy »

I suppose yeah it feels like a breakup or being rejected romantically, but after youve been doing this for a year or so, you learn not to take it personally.

Recruiters either dont get back to the people they rejected, or they get a form letter. Even when they get personally notified its "always" really close, or you were our second choice, or something to that effect. None of them mean anything other then "you didnt get the job".

Ive found in doing this for over a decade that the top tier elite schools "define" this profession. ASIJ defines ISs in Japan, I talk to new teachers that think that is the only IS in Japan, when its really just one (though the top one) of many. When i talk to potential ITs from the US they either want to go to a DoDDS school or the elite IS in a region. Thats what most people dream about, and they think they will just be able to walk into those schools, and of course it only VERY RARELY happens.
shadowjack
Posts: 2140
Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2012 9:49 am

Post by shadowjack »

tlee10, sorry to hear you were twice a bridesmaid, never a bride.

However, a word of advice when you finally do land that overseas teaching job.

1. At many schools, once you go recruiting, that's it. You are done. You had better find a job, because you ain't coming back (although some IS's have been known to change their mind, but you will most always pay some type of price/tradeoff).

2. Cast your net far and wide. If all you are aiming for are the tier 1 schools, realize you are competing against THOUSANDS - and that they are all as qualified, or more qualified, than you. Add to that the fact that some will have connections to present staff at those schools (who you know) who might ease the door open a bit more for that candidate than others.

Always keep an open mind. When I went to Bangkok I had a couple of schools I specifically wanted to target. However, neither worked out. But...I ended up with a position at a school that wasn't even on my radar, but the feeling Mrs. Shadowjack and I got from the interview process and discussion really sold me on the school. If we hadn't decided to go to the school presentation because of a gap in our schedule, we wouldn't have had the interview or offer.

3. Keep sending out CVs and making contacts, even though you are going to a job fair. The week after Bangkok, I had two enquiries about whether we were still available for positions/interviews. Smaller schools in interesting places, but we like interesting places!

If you already have a job that you don't have to leave in case you don't land the dream job, you are lucky. There are teachers every year who are the unlucky ones in the musical chairs game that is international recruiting.

That said, sitting in your home country teaching is not necessarily going to land you the job of your dreams overseas. Everybody has to start somewhere, whether it is at a dream school or a not-so-dream school.

Good luck on your continued search and don't stop just because the fair is over!
BlueJay
Posts: 53
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2012 3:31 am

Post by BlueJay »

The still having a job thing is huge. I interviewed with two elite IS schools this year. I was offered one position, but rejected for the one that I wanted and turned down the offer for the other. I figured that I have it really good where I am at now even despite all of the budget and furlough mess.

I've also applied to two position that I never got an interview for. Not even a form rejection letter thanking me for applying. And both the positions are still open.

You never really know what the school is looking for. And to be honest, it's all an economics game. I'm expensive as I come with a non-teaching spouse and 2 children. But you get what you pay for and I am darn good and highly respected in my field.

ShadowJack got it right. Don't give up. Keep plugging away and keep networking. Keep building up your experience and keep getting your name out there in positive ways.
junglegym
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2013 6:20 pm

Post by junglegym »

tlee10, rejection does suck! But it looks like you've learned some valuable lessons in reflecting upon your experience. I hope other teachers in your position will stumble upon your post as it contains very useful tips. I wish I had been more open to different locations and schools - I think I also missed out on some great possibilities. Now we know for next time.

Keep your head high as you continue the search. You're bound to get something, whether it be this week, this month, or in June. Happy hunting!
Mathman
Posts: 175
Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2012 5:18 am

Post by Mathman »

I find a clear rejection infinitely better than being strung along with some minuscule hope of acceptance.
senator
Posts: 384
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:53 am

Post by senator »

Sorry, Guys, but let's do a little Tough Love session.

Compared to the tragedies that a lot of people must endure - disease, injury, loss - not getting a job offer is a VERY minor thing.

I am always surprised? Saddened? Disappointed? that so many of the people who share my profession have so little resiliency and mental toughness that they seem to fall to pieces when they do not get an offer of employment.

Buck up! Keep trying and don't quit. Watch the movie "Lincoln" and others in that genre to see what REAL adversity is.

And to the others: STOP BEING ENABLERS.
wrldtrvlr123
Posts: 1173
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:59 am
Location: Japan

Post by wrldtrvlr123 »

[quote="senator"]Sorry, Guys, but let's do a little Tough Love session.

Compared to the tragedies that a lot of people must endure - disease, injury, loss - not getting a job offer is a VERY minor thing.

I am always surprised? Saddened? Disappointed? that so many of the people who share my profession have so little resiliency and mental toughness that they seem to fall to pieces when they do not get an offer of employment.

Buck up! Keep trying and don't quit. Watch the movie "Lincoln" and others in that genre to see what REAL adversity is.

And to the others: STOP BEING ENABLERS.[/quote]
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Since when does empathy = enabling?

So some people get more emotionally invested in the process then you do. How does that make them wrong and you right?

I'm glad that knowing someone in the world has it worse than you do helps get you through the bumps and bruises in life but that doesn't mean that it works for everyone. In the immortal words of Sgt. Hulka, "Lighten up, Francis".

Being rejected and feeling bad about it is not the same thing as giving up.
PsyGuy
Posts: 10793
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

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Post by PsyGuy »

Yeah Im the designated @$$ on this forum. People become teachers because they have a strong desire to helkp and because they are caregivers. As a group we arent the cold, character building through suffering types. Were nurtures, and as a result we tend to leak a more empathy then others and wear our hearts on our sleeves.

Were not combat special forces, and were not supposed to be. It takes special people to do their jobs, and it takes special but different people to do ours. Were not supposed to be everything to everyone.
ChuckD33
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2013 12:19 am
Location: Australia

Post by ChuckD33 »

[quote="wrldtrvlr123"][quote="senator"]Sorry, Guys, but let's do a little Tough Love session.

Compared to the tragedies that a lot of people must endure - disease, injury, loss - not getting a job offer is a VERY minor thing.

I am always surprised? Saddened? Disappointed? that so many of the people who share my profession have so little resiliency and mental toughness that they seem to fall to pieces when they do not get an offer of employment.

Buck up! Keep trying and don't quit. Watch the movie "Lincoln" and others in that genre to see what REAL adversity is.

And to the others: STOP BEING ENABLERS.[/quote]
---------------------------------------------------
Since when does empathy = enabling?

So some people get more emotionally invested in the process then you do. How does that make them wrong and you right?

I'm glad that knowing someone in the world has it worse than you do helps get you through the bumps and bruises in life but that doesn't mean that it works for everyone. In the immortal words of Sgt. Hulka, "Lighten up, Francis".

Being rejected and feeling bad about it is not the same thing as giving up.[/quote]

"If anyone touches my stuff, I'll kill em!"

I love Stripes. Thanks for the reminisce.
senator
Posts: 384
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:53 am

Post by senator »

Ah, the wonderful world of the international educator.

If you don't agree with someone, scorn and attack.

You all must be "fantastic" in the classroom when one of your students voices a contrary opinion, huh.
wrldtrvlr123
Posts: 1173
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:59 am
Location: Japan

Post by wrldtrvlr123 »

[quote="senator"]Ah, the wonderful world of the international educator.

If you don't agree with someone, scorn and attack.

You all must be "fantastic" in the classroom when one of your students voices a contrary opinion, huh.[/quote]
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Seriously? This really sounds like a wind up.

So, when you use names like enabler and tell us how disappointed you are with anyone who feels hurt when they are rejected for a job (and break out the dreaded upper case letters on us), then it's just rational disagreement.

But when someone disagrees with you (and utilizes a bit of nostalgic humour to do so), then it's all nasty scorn and attack?

Alighty then. Well let's try this. It wasn't what you said, it was how you said it (which is exactly what I would tell one of my students).

In any case, I'm sorry if we hurt your feelings or made you feel scorned. :D Seriously, even if it doesn't sound that way. Peace.
senator
Posts: 384
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:53 am

Post by senator »

Nice spin, doctor. You ought to be the senator. I'm sorry truth hurts you so much.
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