How did everyone's family react when you told them you'd be moving abroad (or were thinking about moving abroad)? Did their reaction sway your decision to go or not or your choice of country?
When I moved to Japan ten years ago as a single 23-year-old, my mother didn't like it, but she knew I was independent and well-traveled already, and she managed to deal with it. The rest of my family probably thought I was a little strange, but they were supportive.
Now, though, I think my mother would literally keel over if I told her I was moving my whole family overseas. She had a panic attack/nervous breakdown last week just because I had surgery and my sister announced her pregnancy within a few days of each other. She can't handle ANY sort of unsettling or surprising news, even if it's supposed to be happy news. Fortunately for her, it'll still be several years before I move overseas again, if it happens at all, but her reaction does worry me (though I wouldn't decide not to go JUST because of her.)
How did your family react?
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
Re: How did your family react?
From an outsider's perspective, your mother sounds like a drama queen. Is she genuinely this fearful of change in general, or could it be a form of manipulation to keep control of her brood? It sounds like you've been on to her for a while and will just live your life as you see fit--good for you.
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
When I first moved overseas in 2005 they were supportive if not a bit in denial. My mom knew I had the job offer and was seriously thinking of it but she seemed surprised when I accepted it. They were supportive in my move though. Not much changed after my first two years when I moved on to another school/country. Things started to change in 2009 when I told them I had decided to return to a fair to look for the next couple years. Mom's response was "Haven't you outgrown this phase yet" but dad understood it a bit better as he looked at it from the "there just aren't any jobs back home" viewpoint. I returned home a year ago much to their delight but they knew my heart wasn't here. Mom even called me on it at Thanksgiving asking if I had ever thought of going overseas again....before I had gotten around to tell her I had already registered for a fair the week before.
So I went to the fair and got a new job which I leave for in less than 2 weeks. Much hasn't been said other than "it's a new adventure" but I really think they know I won't be back.
So I went to the fair and got a new job which I leave for in less than 2 weeks. Much hasn't been said other than "it's a new adventure" but I really think they know I won't be back.
I think my parents have fully cycled through the five stages of grief at this point. In the early stages, they didn't think I was really going to do it, but then I went to Cambridge, got an offer, and announced that I would be moving to China. They were in shock.
My mother, in particular, was semi-scared, thinking I'd be moving to the China that she had heard of when she was younger. I think a lot of people growing up in the 50s and 60s were conditioned to fear communism, so the idea of going to a communist nation to work freaked her out; however, prior to taking the China job, I was throwing around the possibility if going to India or the Middle East, so she was somewhat relieved when she realized I wasn't going to either of those places. I emphasized that, despite the all the governmental control, or because of it, Beijing was safer then most large cities in the U.S. She also needed to be convinced that Beijing had many of the modern conveniences we had back home, and that I could buy socks if I needed to.
My mom isn't exactly a control freak, but she is comfortable in the life she has built over the last forty years, since she and my dad moved into their first and only house. My parents have never traveled outside of the Eastern U.S. and Canada and I would be surprised if they actually visited me in Beijing, but all of their friends are trying to convince them to go. I sometimes feel like my dad is living vicariously through me, though he won't admit it.
Overall, I think they were/are surprised and happy for me, but they could never imagine doing what I'm doing. If I had kids, things would be totally different; there would be MUCH more opposition. The other day my mom also commented that she would like to have me back in the U.S. within the next ten years.
Classic mom guilt!
My mother, in particular, was semi-scared, thinking I'd be moving to the China that she had heard of when she was younger. I think a lot of people growing up in the 50s and 60s were conditioned to fear communism, so the idea of going to a communist nation to work freaked her out; however, prior to taking the China job, I was throwing around the possibility if going to India or the Middle East, so she was somewhat relieved when she realized I wasn't going to either of those places. I emphasized that, despite the all the governmental control, or because of it, Beijing was safer then most large cities in the U.S. She also needed to be convinced that Beijing had many of the modern conveniences we had back home, and that I could buy socks if I needed to.
My mom isn't exactly a control freak, but she is comfortable in the life she has built over the last forty years, since she and my dad moved into their first and only house. My parents have never traveled outside of the Eastern U.S. and Canada and I would be surprised if they actually visited me in Beijing, but all of their friends are trying to convince them to go. I sometimes feel like my dad is living vicariously through me, though he won't admit it.
Overall, I think they were/are surprised and happy for me, but they could never imagine doing what I'm doing. If I had kids, things would be totally different; there would be MUCH more opposition. The other day my mom also commented that she would like to have me back in the U.S. within the next ten years.
Classic mom guilt!
A while ago
I come from a Family of travelers, but my mother freaked out when I first went to live overseas, but shes freaked out about everything Ive done in my life. This was almost a decade ago though. I just think moms are made that way, what would you think if your daughter was 18 and wanted to move overseas to live with her boyfriend? You wold be a little nervouse too I imagine.
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vettievette
- Posts: 101
- Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 1:31 am
My sister and I have always been the prodigal grandchildren on my dad's side - starting w/ me going to college way away from home and then the both of us moving far away cross-country to New York City (*gasp!*) after a few years of being at home. They were kinda used to me being away...but then I decided to move to one of the 'Stans...to say that was way off their radar was putting it lightly. However, they are more than happy that I am actually saving money now and enjoying the perks.
Mom's side is a bit more adventurous so they were totally excited for me to go.
My parents were at first *wtf!? where!?* but then realized that my ultimate goal is to be living/working in Asia (hopefully, Philippines) and this was a HUGE step in that direction.
Mom's side is a bit more adventurous so they were totally excited for me to go.
My parents were at first *wtf!? where!?* but then realized that my ultimate goal is to be living/working in Asia (hopefully, Philippines) and this was a HUGE step in that direction.
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emilysue1212
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:55 pm
- Location: Colorado
I WISH my family was cooler about teaching abroad! :)
My family, ESPECIALLY my dad, hates us living abroad (my husband and I) and can only come to grips with it by telling themselves it's just a phase that we'll grow out of eventually or that it will end when we're ready to "settle down" and have kids. We taught in Korea for 1 year (ESL) and they were beside themselves throughout the entire spring and summer leading up to our move. Of course, once we were there everything settled down and no one fell apart. It's the anticipation sometimes that's worse than the actual reality! Then we came home for a few years and everyone was holding their collective breath that we would want to stay put this time until we went to the teaching fair in Iowa and signed contracts to teach in Kuwait. Let's just say it's been a tough summer here in Colorado.
As you can imagine, with a family like mine (whom I love dearly--don't get me wrong..), teaching abroad is a VERY appealing lifestyle. ;)
As you can imagine, with a family like mine (whom I love dearly--don't get me wrong..), teaching abroad is a VERY appealing lifestyle. ;)
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Open Communication
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