Friendship with Local Hire (Advice?)
Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 3:54 am
I am at an Eastern European school which I love. The students and package are great, and I'm thrilled to be here. BUT...I feel really bad about a friendship with a local hire which is stressing me out, and I was hoping someone might offer some advice.
I became friends with one of the very few local hires at my school. She does accounting/admin for the school, and we are the same age, so became friends during the (long) visa/residency process.
Now it is awkward. Since we were friends, she's (rightfully?) assumed that friendship means venting about work related issues. But she's really angry and bitter with the school and a lot of my colleagues, mostly because the package is so great for us and so poor for her. For example, she's really angry when colleagues decide to change apartments; she says that her own apartment is half the size of her office, and teachers here have the best apartments in the best parts of the city and are "still not happy"--yes, she is responsible for landlord issues, too.
I LIKE my colleagues, and they have NO idea that my admin. friendn HATES them. In fact, she's always included when the same-age-ish younger teachers go out socially. I really don't understand why she actually goes, but it is starting to make me angry the way the US and UK teachers always subtly cover her portion of dinner or whatever else we are doing (they all know that she doesn't make much money as a local hire). I don't think she should accept this if she can say that she "hates" them.
It is a small school, and I really don't think I want to continue the friendship. But it IS a small school, and this person does payroll, etc. anad will be arranging my new lease for next year (and will be furious, as she's said to me many times that my current apartment is "better than anything normal local families get, and it's all for you"). This sounds terrible, but I wish I hadn't become friends with her when I started here.
And also, she considers me a special friend, and doesn't really talk to the others in our age/social group except for social banter when we all go out. The others have no idea that she feels the way she does about most of the US and UK staff. If I end the friendship, it would be really awkward because of this, and I don't want to get into a situation of telling everyone all of the things that my friend (former friend?) has said about them, but as I said, she IS included in social outings, and she comes, and she and I are known to be friends outside of these outings, so I will look bad to my peers if I just cut her off.
This all looks really petty written out, but I feel stressed about it, especially as I listened to this person complain through Saturday afternoon about another of my US colleagues who she hates beause he only asks her to do things which fall...within her job description.
Please advise...
I became friends with one of the very few local hires at my school. She does accounting/admin for the school, and we are the same age, so became friends during the (long) visa/residency process.
Now it is awkward. Since we were friends, she's (rightfully?) assumed that friendship means venting about work related issues. But she's really angry and bitter with the school and a lot of my colleagues, mostly because the package is so great for us and so poor for her. For example, she's really angry when colleagues decide to change apartments; she says that her own apartment is half the size of her office, and teachers here have the best apartments in the best parts of the city and are "still not happy"--yes, she is responsible for landlord issues, too.
I LIKE my colleagues, and they have NO idea that my admin. friendn HATES them. In fact, she's always included when the same-age-ish younger teachers go out socially. I really don't understand why she actually goes, but it is starting to make me angry the way the US and UK teachers always subtly cover her portion of dinner or whatever else we are doing (they all know that she doesn't make much money as a local hire). I don't think she should accept this if she can say that she "hates" them.
It is a small school, and I really don't think I want to continue the friendship. But it IS a small school, and this person does payroll, etc. anad will be arranging my new lease for next year (and will be furious, as she's said to me many times that my current apartment is "better than anything normal local families get, and it's all for you"). This sounds terrible, but I wish I hadn't become friends with her when I started here.
And also, she considers me a special friend, and doesn't really talk to the others in our age/social group except for social banter when we all go out. The others have no idea that she feels the way she does about most of the US and UK staff. If I end the friendship, it would be really awkward because of this, and I don't want to get into a situation of telling everyone all of the things that my friend (former friend?) has said about them, but as I said, she IS included in social outings, and she comes, and she and I are known to be friends outside of these outings, so I will look bad to my peers if I just cut her off.
This all looks really petty written out, but I feel stressed about it, especially as I listened to this person complain through Saturday afternoon about another of my US colleagues who she hates beause he only asks her to do things which fall...within her job description.
Please advise...